One time my dog actually ate my homework.
every week is comedy week for me cause my life is a joke, youtube
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
(via slapmytitties)
i’m grounded so i think i’ll write a novel about you
it will take me tops 3 hoursit will be your name repeated over and over and over
i’ll change it for legal purposes don’t worryit will be a commercial failure but someone somewhere will
decide at the last second
not to light thier house on fire
because they feel suddenly understood at a formerly impenetrable levelit’s funny what people find relatable like
i watched a praying mantis rip off the head of a male that’d just fucked her
and thought
‘nature is beautiful and connective and zen and shit and i am no longer crazy’
so today i walked into my exam room and my teacher created a nicholas cage shrine to watch over us and make sure we dont cheat i
